We made it to Day 5 of BLOGmas!! Woooo!! Not gonna lie, I almost didn't post anything today. Trying to come up with content every day, staying on top of the editing game, and promoting yourself is not for the faint-hearted. Daily blogging/vlogging is extremely difficult and I have a new level of understanding and respect for the YouTubers/Bloggers that I follow regularly.

Today's post is a bit more of a reflective one. This time last year, my life looked very different. In fact these last few years in Chicago have completely turned my world upside down. I have loved and lost. I've given my everything to different endeavors, both in love and in life, only to lose it all in the end. I've nearly gone bankrupt (still trying to come back from that now, so pray for me). I've had some scary health battles. I've lost friends. I've been hurt. And I'm sure I've hurt others on this journey, even unintentionally.

I've felt smaller than I ever thought humanly possible. I've been in positions where I've been made to choose between people that I love and ultimately I lost myself in that process. I've been isolated, confused, broken...BROKE. All of that in the course of a few short years in Chicago.

So, what have I learned this Christmas?

Well...I've learned that you heal. Your heart heals. Your mind mends.

You keep putting one foot in front of the other until you learn to walk with stability again.

You find hope in the most unexpected of places.

This Christmas, I've been reminded that community is so incredibly important. And if you look around, you'll find people that you left behind in your pursuits who still believe in you, still love you without conditions, and still support you no matter how near or far you are from them. I've re-connected with some old friends and I still plan to keep reaching out to more. I've spent Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve with incredible people and my incredible boyfriend, which has been lovely. Also, this year, I'm more in tune with my family than I have been this whole time in the big city, which feels amazing.

More than anything, I've learned that freedom is both beautiful and terrifying. The freedom to choose for yourself, to love yourself, to be yourself, unapologetically, is heartbreaking and liberating. And on this journey of life, I hope that I continue to become myself.

This Christmas, I hope you laugh, even if life isn't perfect. I hope your home smells like cookies and honey-glazed ham. Mine does!


I hope you feel joy. Happiness is more of an emotion, one that comes and goes. But joy...joy is something spiritual, something God-given. And that's what I hope you feel this holiday season.

No filters, no makeup. Just me ♥

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart to everyone who has helped me celebrate BLOGmas! This has been a wonderful adventure and I've talked to people from all over the world because of this (whattup Germany & Poland!!). My goal is to blog/vlog more in 2016. I hope to bring you along on the journey to becoming myself ♥

xoxo
Pam