"It Ain't Nobody's Business!" Or...is it?

8:59 AM

I'm simultaneously excited and anxious about this post, but it's been on my heart for a while now. I've been having lots of conversations lately around the subject of love and relationships. A lot of folks are curious about my current relationship and how it came about.

In our world today, there is this sense of "it ain't nobody's business" when it comes down to love, sex, and relationships. The common slogan of, "Imma do me" seems to permeate our thought process in this regard. I could look at my relationship in that way if I wanted to. I could determine that it's no one's business how this happened. This is my love life, my story, my privacy. Nobody else's.

But, my heart says that this is not so. While it certainly is true that this is my life and my story, I realize that my life is on display. All of our lives are. What we do and how we live can effect change all around us. It's how we choose to handle our display that becomes key. For me, I recognize that I share my life each and every day when I lead worship, when I meet with people from church, when I serve my pastors...when I pray with people, when I speak the words God has placed on my heart. I share my life when I write about it here on my blog, which a public domain. I've shared my life from the first moment I got on a stage back in Arkansas, from every performance to every conversation...from every expectation as a "preacher's daughter" to every time I fell short of that expectation, my life has been on display. I have always had this sense that, "The world is watching..."

Now, with that in mind, let me give a little disclaimer. Again, this is my story. I'm not sharing this because I feel like I have to. I'm sharing it because I want to. Especially since my divorce came as a surprise to most people, and then it seemed like I was suddenly in a new relationship. I'm sharing it because I feel that as a Christian woman, there are questions about that. And those questions have actually been articulated to me by various people who want to know the who, what, where, why. All of your questions may not be answered here, and quite frankly, I don't care about that. I just want to share the truth. My truth. So, here's my favorite love story, in simple terms...


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DeMico and I met back in August 2013 at school. We were both in very committed relationships at the time. I was married, he had been in a relationship for a few years. We immediately hit it off and became bro & sis. There was no attraction, no hidden agenda. I introduced him to my ex husband, he introduced me to his lady. DeMico joined our church and eventually, he and I both were in positions of leadership in worship. We became best friends.

I left my ex-husband in November 2013 (more about that here and here, if you're interested) and began my journey of singlehood. At the end of the day, all you need to know is that my divorce is 100% biblically sanctioned. But, I will admit, it was a suddenly devastating experience, to go from sharing your life with someone on a daily basis to being alone. Thankfully, it turned into the best thing that's ever happened to me. And that's all I'll say about that.

DeMico is an incredibly generous, hopeful man. In this time of my life, he was constantly praying for my marriage and encouraging me to get back with my ex. It wasn't until he knew the whole ugly truth that he realized my story wouldn't be going in that direction. And after he understood for sure that I was headed for divorce, he prayed with me for strength and guidance. He had my back through a lot of the darkness.

Around this same time, in fact, DeMico started to go through a journey of his own. His past relationship is his story to share, not mine, so I won't say much about it here. All I will say is that his relationship had its own variation of pain. And when that relationship ended, I was there for him just as he had been for me. We helped each other through the dark times.

Now, here's where it gets fun though. Once we both realized the path we were on, we tried to find each other's perfect match lol. Yaaalllll, I tried to hook DeMico up with women from church and from school. I would see a cute girl that I thought would make a perfect match for him and encourage him to go talk to her. Then, he would see a guy checking me out and say, "Pam, I think that guy would be cool for you. What do you think?" Ha!! I'll be honest and say that I assumed I would either be single for the rest of my life OR I would finally meet the perfect man around the time I turned 50 and we would marry and spend our golden years together.

So, we went on like this for a while. Until one bright, beautiful Sunday morning in August 2014. DeMico was walking up on stage during altar call, preparing to play his guitar. He was communicating with the other musicians, as he always does as a leader. I was watching him, as I always do, since it's part of my job as a worship leader to observe everything in worship. But this Sunday was different somehow...this Sunday, I looked at DeMico and it suddenly hit me. He is FINE. Like, FINE, FINE. And the sudden revelation shocked me! Lol. How could this be? This is my best friend. We know so much about each other. We spend time together every day either at school or church. How could I have overlooked this? Around this same time, he started to have a similar revelation about me. (Apparently, he had this revelation about me a few months prior, but again, that's his story to share lol).

Then I spent all of September denying that I had this revelation lol. I was on my singlehood journey, after all. I wanted to be healed from my previous relationship, not get in another one! Then one day, DeMico and I were having lunch after church and he looked at me and said, "Okay, stop...can we just admit that we like each other? I like you..." And I don't think I've ever blushed so hard in my life...

I'm pretty sure I knew then that I was in love with him, but we both needed to make sure we were ready for anything more than friendship. I didn't want to carry baggage into a new relationship. I mean, I know we all carry some baggage, but I didn't want to show up to this thing with a whole truck-load, you feel me? So, we both took some time to pray and create boundaries for ourselves as friends and potential lovers.

Then, in November 2014, he asked our pastor if it was okay for him to ask me to be his girlfriend.

I have to brag on him a little bit here and say that when he asked me to be his girlfriend, it was as if he was proposing. Like, down on one knee, telling me how much I meant to him. He said to me, "I've been searching all this time for the right woman, and here she was in right in front of me for over a year." He's a romantic in that way :)

And the rest, as they say, was history.


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There you have it, folks! That's how this happened. I know it's a lot, but it's worth sharing. Here's a recap:  Yes, he and I did this the right way. No, we did not have the intention of dating when we were friends. Yes, we are currently in love and yes, the future looks bright. Yes, I did share this story to give an example of hope. One year of singlehood, and a lifelong lesson in God-love, God-grace, God-purpose, and God-strength. I pray that my story inspires you to dream, to take the time to believe and hope in love again. After all, every love story, every true love story is beautiful, but ours...ours is most definitely my favorite ❤


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4 comments

  1. I love you sissy!!!! Def gives hope and love and I hope to meet the new bro soon 😆

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  2. Pam, im thoroughly happy for you!!! Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete

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